Di-Lithium crystal use on exterior body panels

[willwren]

Depleted Di-Lithum crystals from Federation Starships are often overlooked in the modern world of environmental activism as a continuing resource, as opposed to something that needs to be properly disposed of.

There are several sources available at wrecking yards in the vicinity of Hollywood (say within a 50 mile radius of most TV/Movie studios).

If you can manage to obtain a used set, they can be used on your exterior body panels to improve performance be decreasing Aerodynamic drag.

When you get the crystals, you need to process (re-generate) by putting your microwave oven in the gas or electric oven to boost the ambient cohesiveness of the microwave energy.

This process breaks the crystals down to their root form and bleeds off the valence electrons that prevent them from emitting protons in a natural environment. Process the crystals in defrost mode for 856 minutes at 500°F for 57 days. (slight modification of the Microwave oven timing circuits may be necessary).

Remove the residue from the inner surfaces of the microwave using a 4-phase variable turbothruster set to 78% duty cycle. Store the residue in a plutonium lined kryponite vessel and freeze for 95 hours at a minimum temperature of -225° Celsius.

After this cooling cycle is completed, you can re-invigorate the residue by adding a solution of 4 parts de-ionized water to 3 parts Chipotle Tabasco sauce.

Apply the solution liberally to the outer surface of the car, paying close attention to the front grille.

This concoction will create a pulse-jet effect at a sub-micron velocity, drawing the air up and over the vehicle at a rate many millions of times the normal rate, which in turn will push the car at speeds normally only dreamed of in the realm of science fiction movies.

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-snip- After this cooling cycle is completed, you can re-invigorate the residue by adding a solution of 4 parts de-ionized water to 3 parts Chipotle Tabasco sauce.

Yummy!

Add to melted butter and apply the solution liberally to the chicken wings and bake at 425 for 25 minutes or until crispy.

Serve with plenty of beer.