Thoughts on my ad?

[Ragsdale]

Hey, just finished my ad, can you guys take a look at it and give me your opinions?


Pictures at the bottom.

1996 Pontiac Bonneville SSEi
This is an awesome starter car, it is my second car and I love it dearly, i'm selling it to get something new and with a factory warranty. I am asking $-.--- OBO. You can contact me or leave a voice mail at 604-614-. Please read the whole ad, thanks.

More About The Car:
This car lives in my garage, it is reliable and is clean.
There are a few scratches on the back bumper, and a little bit of a scratch on the front right corner of the front bumper. Before I bought this car it was owned by a company.
Fully Loaded with all the options:
3800 Series II Supercharged
Spoiler
Premium Sound
Steering Wheel Controls
A/C
9-Way Seats
Cargo Net
Cruise Control
Defog
Heads Up Display
Compass
Boost Gauge
Floor Mats
Auto Dim Rear View Mirror
Power Doors/Trunk/Alarm
Leather Interior
Power Antenna
Performance Shift/Touring Shift
Performance Suspension
Moon Roof
Power Steering
Airbags
Fog Lights
Traction Control
Stylish Design

I have done all my own work on it and the car runs awesome. Some things I have done are:

The Two Idler Pulleys (One for Supercharger, One For Acc.)
Goodyear Triple Treads with 4,000kms on them.
O2 Sensor (Before Cat)
New Supercharger (3.4 ZZP Pulley)
Throttle Body Spacer
Lower Intake Manifold Gasket
Valve Cover Gaskets
Upper and Lower Rad Hose
Coolant Flush *removed dex cool*
Oil Change (K&N Filter)
Oil Pan Gasket
Lower Engine Strut
Gatorback Supercharger Belt
Napa Acc. Belt
MSD Coils
MSD Ignition Wires
Clear Corners
Upgraded Headlights
190' Thermostat
PCV Valve

[97seagain]

Just a quick opinion I have...

I would move the "There are a few scratches on the back bumper, and a little bit of a scratch on the front right corner of the front bumper. Before I bought this car it was owned by a company." to the bottom of the ad rather than the very top.

Highlight positive first.

[Merrillspontiac]

I thought u just got that car.

[glorkar]

I agree with moving the "bad" info to the bottom. Get them interested, don't turn them away. Maybe put hp (stock or if you have what it is with the mods) rating? Oh, and mileage (kilometerage?) Maybe retail price on the mods (super charger, pulley, msd parts.)

[Bugsi]

I would remove all use of the word "awesome." Awesome is your opinion of it, not a quantifiable description of the condition or state of the vehicle. As a buyer, I'd want to know the condition: Is it like new? That's really the standard of excellence, as the car at its best would be as it was when it was new, and generally degrades from there. Just tell me the actual condition.

You think it would make a good starter car? Just say "This would make a good starter car." You think it runs well? Like new even? Just say "It runs like new." or "It runs perfectly." How is running "awesome" any better than running perfectly? What, exactly, about the way your car runs, is so unusual that it actually inspires awe in the beholder? What does that mean? I can't even imagine what a passenger car would have to run like to run awesomely. There is little awe in the running of a 13 year old sedan, even a well-running supercharged one. So eliminate your emotional conception of it and just give a description of how it compares to any other 1996 SSEi I might compare it to at say, a used car lot. Would yours run any better than any other properly maintained 1996 SSEi, or would it run simply perfectly -like when it was new, as any properly maintained car would if well cared for? If that's the case, *just say that.* "Regularly serviced and maintained, runs like new." That's far more descriptive to me than "runs AWESOME!"

Otherwise it sounds like you've been smoking too much pot. "Duuuuuude, . . .my car? Dude. . .it runs. . .AWESOME!"

Sorry, I'm going overboard and ripping on two instances of "awesome", but that's how much it destroys your ad for me. And that's why you should rip out the word "awesome" and just replace it with an actual description of what the car is like.

I'd also eliminate that you love it dearly. Should that make a buyer value it more? If you loved it so dearly, you wouldn't be selling it. But you ARE selling it. Just remove that. The buyer doesn't care if you love it dearly, adore it, or worship at the temple of Pontiac with it.

Instead of saying the car *lives* in your garage (like a pet), just say that "This car has been garage kept, it is reliable and clean." While saying almost exactly what you've said, it doesn't imply living qualities to a machine.

Was "Stylish Design" an option on the Bonneville? Could it be ordered without that? Is there a non-stylish design option? I think I'd remove that as one of the options your car comes with.

Those changes would really improve your ad, to me.